In a mess

Seriously, i think im in a mess right now. Not literally messed up but im feeling restless and messy inside. It's seriously not a good feeling. I don't like it. Gave up alot of opportunities just because i think i couldn't cope. Deep down, i know its all just fking excuses. Today, I was thinking of something that i gave up earlier on, pondering did i made the correct choice or not. I know i shouldnt be thinking back but oh well. you know, humans are like bitchy sluts. We just go round and round and refuses to get up. Pick up points uh?

ok. my life isnt that bad as i seems to suggest.
you know ya? RANTS.
rant finish, life still goes on.
and oh..
its oct and year end is coming...
im still here.
no achievements. no money. no love. havent know what i really want. no courage. no nothing.
tell me. am i a failure?

What made me so emotional today is because i thought of my resolutions set earlier this year. I didnt obtain much until now and not going to for the next upcoming months. lol. Loser myself. Besides that, Ap came talkin to me on msn n fb recently because she needs a room. and yes, i fking hate this feeling of being used. Need you come to you, don't need you and will just fk care you. I don't know how to overcome this actually.. but... cannot blame me isnt it? ha. im fked up, she's one too. Besides all these, im sad because few friends dont seems to be happy recently. You know who you are. I care, We care. Please talk to me if you need me. :) Seeing my friends sad makes me upset too.

Some thoughts that i still unable to sort it out. I need some time, some enlightenment from daily life perhaps? I think i need to pick up my newspaper habits which i lost it for years. Im feeling stupid and dumb now losing touch with the world, the news, the updates. Life isnt all about A thing or AN area. I admit i've been blindfolded and concentrating on a particular door. Time to pick up myself, open my eyes and venture into other doors. Well, the elephant theory comes in. Im not sure how am i going to go about doing it but i promise i'll try.

once again, i feel like im standing at a cross junction right now, alone.
过了一年, 走了一圈, 我还是站在这里....